#i will be here mentally for the unforeseeable future | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asterkiss · 2 years ago

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This fanart by @miragexd is so cute that I wrote a oneshot inspired by it:-

Why is Bill in human form? Why is he hanging out with the group? Who knows, this is a drabble so I don’t need to go into that backstory. :p

- COLD EMBRACE

If Mabel had to pick between her favourite season, she would probably say summer after some consideration.

Afterall, summer had flowers, smoothies, trips to the beach, and cute boys in swimming trunks.

That last one was very important as it had given her a prime excuse to see Bill shirtless at the pool earlier this year and had been the first initial step upon the mental ordeal of a mountain that was realising her feelings for the demon.

—She still wasn’t entirely at the top yet. A girl needed more than six months to grapple with the internal realisation of holding feelings for Bill Cipher.

Bluh, she always chose the challenges, didn’t she?

Currently, the brunette was wandering through the woods near the Shack as snow fell from the sky and coated the landscape in a pristine white blanket. She and Dipper had decided to visit all their friends in Gravity Falls for the holidays this year and were currently enjoying their first week of three.

It was also a chance to visit Bill, who was squatting at the Shack until the unforeseeable future.

...Who was tagging along with her right now.

Mabel looked down at her feet as she crunched through the snow, enjoying the sensation of making tracks in the otherwise untouched snow. Dipper had gone off on “not a date” with Pacifica so she’d been left by herself. Not one to stay idle, the teenager had decided to wander off and make some snow angels.

But then Bill had followed her.

And what should have been a short walk a few feet past the treelines had become a lot further and longer as she kept striding on so as to avoid looking back at him.

At least she could blame her red cheeks on the cold.

‘Oi, Shooting Star, where the hell are we going?’

She faltered at the abrupt voice, realising they were by now pretty deep into the woods. Ah. ‘Uh, here!’

‘Here?’

Mabel span on her heel and flashed him with a wide smile she hoped appeared genuine. ‘Yeah, here!’

Bill stared at her with keen golden eyes. ‘…This is a ditch.’

She faltered, averting her gaze quickly. Had his eyes always been that scrutinising or was she imagining it? This was probably the first time she’d actually made eye contact with him since arriving.

‘Okay, you’re acting weird,’ Bill said gruffly, folding his arms. ‘You have since the moment you landed in town, what are you hiding? Did you go and get married off to some other supernatural creature again?’

She pouted. ‘No.’ Jeez, you almost marry a herd of gnomes once and you never hear the end of it.

‘Then what?’

‘I’m not acting weird,’ she retorted before jabbing a gloved finger in his direction. ‘You’re the weird one.’

‘I’m an ancient and immortal all-powerful demon parading around in a human body whilst wearing a fluffy parka and earmuffs, of course I’m fucking weird.’

Fair point.

‘And I know a liar when I see one, so fess up.’

She internally groaned. ‘It’s nothing, just drop it. Girls are allowed to have secrets.’

‘Not when it means you can’t even look me in the eye, kid. Jeez, you’re treating me like I killed your pet pig. I haven’t tried that since last year!’

She frowned, eyes sliding in his direction. He had been making a real an effort to act nicer. It was part of the reason she’d ended up liking him before she realised it.

‘Yeah, that’s my chest. My eyes are up here.’

Mabel huffed as she finally raised her gaze up to meet his stare. There were those piercing honey eyes again that she could get lost in. She swallowed thickly.

Bill arched an eyebrow. ‘So? What’s up?’

Her lips parted, struggling to find her voice as she considered actually being honest. What was the worst that could happen? He laughed in her face and made fun of her and told the entire town she had a big fat crush on him?

—On second thoughts, nope. She shook her head frantically.

‘Urgh, you’re so frustrating sometimes,’ Bill muttered, rolling his eyes. ‘Good luck to your next boyfriend.’

Mabel scowled at that, stomping her foot as she glared. ‘As if I’d ever ask you out!’

‘What?’

Mabel blinked. ‘What?’

They stared at one another.

Bill regarded her with confusion, blinking owlishly as her abrupt words sunk in. ‘Wait a second…’

Meanwhile, Mabel felt panic clawing up her throat as she registered what she’d just said and the implications it could lead to. She didn’t like that look of dawning realisation beginning to cross his face.

Time to abort. Mabel out.

‘Bye!’

She turned on her heel and fled.

‘What- hey wait a second!’

Mabel ignored him, skidding partially in the snow as she legged it. Nope, nope, nope.

‘Shooting Star!’ he yelled, voice echoing through the trees as she continued to rush ahead. She leapt over a fallen log in her haste and landed on the snowy ground past it. ‘Look out for the—!’

The rest of Bill’s words were lost as Mabel fell through the ice and plummeted into the lake.

The freezing water instantly soaked her clothing, the cold seeping through her skin and penetrating her bones. She quickly scrambled to escape, her head breaking through the surface as the cold air hit her wet skin. However, she only managed one gulp of air before her sodden winter coat weighed her down again and dragged her under.

Oh no, no, no, no.

Alarm swelled inside her, heart slamming against her chest before something grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her out of the frozen lake. She spluttered out water as she found herself tossed on the shore, her entire body shivering whilst the teen gulped in greedy breaths of air. She’d only been in the water for less than ten seconds, but it felt like forever as adrenaline continued to course through her body.

‘You…. You sure know how to break the ice,’ Bill breathed from beside her. Mabel slowly raised her head to find him sat panting heavily beside her as he clutched a hand over his chest. He was a demon, so he didn’t get out of breath which meant his current reaction was the result of pure panic and stress.

Mabel swallowed, teeth chattering as she tried to speak. ‘Th-Thanks.’ For not letting her drown a terrifying watery death.

Bill glanced aside at her, still breathing erratically and she found herself frozen for an entirely different reason beneath that gaze of his once again.

His eyes swept over her for a second before he spoke. ‘Take your clothes off.’

‘Wha-!’ Her face flushed, some heat creeping back into her cheeks although the rest of her body remained like ice.

‘Your clothes are soaked, you need to get out of ‘em,’ he snapped, shooting her a fierce look. ‘Lose the oversized coat and get over here.’

He looked so commanding and she felt so cold that she didn’t question him. She shifted onto her knees and tried to unzip her winter coat but her hands were trembling so bad that she could barely get a hold. In the end Bill grunted and leaned forward towards her. She blinked at the proximity of their faces, though he didn’t seem to notice as his gaze remained rooted down as he grasped her zip. He yanked it down in one swift motion that made her squirm for some reason before he leaned away and allowed her to pull her arms out of the thing. It instantly dropped to the floor like a dead weight, and Mabel hugged herself as she now found herself in nothing but a sweater and jeans.

Bill leaned back, offering a hand. ‘Now here.’

Were they going to go back to the Shack? She reached out and accepted his hand, fingers lacing with his before he abruptly tugged her forward into his lap. She let out a small yelp of surprise, scrambling as she found herself on top of him.

‘Oh my god, will you quit squirming?’ he growled, and in the next moment Mabel found her back pressed against his chest as he wrapped his coat around her shivering frame. She hadn’t even realised he’d unzipped his own clothing. She blinked as she processed the fact she was sitting in Bill’s lap. Sitting in his lap whilst he hugged her.

Oh my.

‘W-What are you doing?’

‘Preventing you from turning into an ice cube,’ he drawled, his chin resting atop her head. ‘I think you’ll find as a demon I’m quite warm.’

That he was. Confined between his body and the inner fur lining of his coat, Mabel found she suddenly didn’t feel so cold with her personal demon-shaped hot water bottle. Or perhaps that was because her face and chest felt flushed from how much of Bill’s body was pressed against hers.

‘Oh good, your body’s already warming up.’

‘You can tell?’

‘Yup, I’m a demon. It’s why I’m good at picking out liars.’

Oh.

Part of her wanted to ask why they weren’t returning to the Shack, after all shouldn’t they be getting her indoors? But she rather liked their current position and wasn’t in a rush to disrupt it. Even if it did mean possibly getting a slight case of hypothermia.

He hummed. ‘By the way, Shooting Star?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Next time you confess, try not to run off immediately after.’

Mabel blinked at that. Next time? Was he saying he wanted there to be a next time? His grip on her tightened and she swore she could feel his own heart pounding away through his chest against her.

Rather than question it and ruin this moment she instead managed a small nod as she leaned against the demon and relished in their closeness. ‘Okay,’ she whispered, eyes fluttering closed. ‘I won’t.’

Unbeknownst to her, the demon smiled warmly.

After that, Mabel decided winter was her favourite season. No particular reason. Just cuz.

#mabill #miragexd #oneshot

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wewinbees · 4 years ago

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“you only saw me as a weapon!” an in-depth analysis of tommy and techno’s relationship /rp

a mild focus on techno’s thoughts since it’s his speech, but not one or the other is in the right here. a lot of this might have been said, but this is a BIG collection from pogtopia to doomsday to address as many angles as possible. to preface, i don’t think tommy sees techno as a weapon and nothing else, but the point remains that techno feels like he does, and that’s important.

this is from like january btw lol

we’ll start with “the blade” tommy’s nickname for techno, which got adopted by a lot of the server (as tommy’s nicknames tend to be). most other people have the Big [X] format, but techno gets this specialised nickname. i think the reason he developed a negative association with it was because of when it was used; when they need him for fights. the most important would be the vault reveal, with wilbur getting everyone to victoriously chant “we have the blade!” to boister morale. this would have been fine in and of itself, if it weren’t for the events of the rest of the day and what that name would come to represent. it ends up becoming a taunt to him, because that’s what people get close to him for. his use to them as the blade rather than his friendship to them as technoblade

tommy’s always very happy to call in techno for help, and techno usualy sorts it out with... minimal effort required. i do see this more as a blend of tommy’s pride in knowing techno and smugness at having that kind of upperhand in a fight over him viewing techno solely as a weapon to use, but this still ends up being detrimental to their friendship because of how much it happens. remember, the entire reason techno joined the server was to help wilbur and techno form pogtopia. techno doesn’t mind helping tommy out, but at some point it’s going to be frustrating, being called in for any and all minor struggles. but in the end of the day, it’s fine, because they’re brothers under the same cause. destroying manberg. Oh Wait.

the main issue came after the festival, with that faith and trust tommy had in techno being shattered; rightfully so, because watching tubbo get murdered was traumatic for him, because for tommy the pit was no way to settle that conflict (which reminded, wasn’t techno’s suggestion, it was proposed and pushed onto them by wilbur). since tommy sees technoblade as unbeatable, he couldn’t understand why techno was so easily peer-pressured by manberg. he was threatened by how many people were against him, he was stressed dealing with the voices telling him to do it, he didn’t see any other way out, he wasn’t getting any support from his only other allies even though he was looking right at them and they still did nothing.

but tommy didn’t understand because he thought techno could have won. techno did try to stall as well, but without orders from his friends he ended up following schatt’s, and once he realised he had the power to kill everyone on stage, he just gave into that power. the miscommunication during the pogtopia arc was why techno felt as betrayed as he did, and why the victim complex argument annoys me so much, since he was kept in the dark for that long while grinding resources for the army. also, since techno wasn’t there for l’manberg’s peaceful days or the start of the disc saga he would never understand how important those attachments were to people, so he’d feel little remorse blowing them all up (especially since he knew that was the backup plan for pogtopia anyway, and just because people were unhappy about it didn’t change the fact that it was a plan)

a lot of people say that techno should have known that pogtopia’s goal was to form a new government, that at some point he should have overheard the real plan. everyone agreed to ‘destroy manberg’ (as in the government not the land) but somehow techno never found out about the ‘restoring l’manberg’ part of the plan. how that happened, who knows, but in the end of the day, the writers chose for that miscommunication to happen for the story. it’s not a how or a why, it’s just a fact that was written in. he didn’t find out until it was right in front of him, and he was bound to feel betrayed by that, enough that he was driven to do something irrational. my personal theory is that techno was mainly following wilbur’s orders, and because wilbur was the real traitor, chances are he never mentioned any forming of a new government since he knew that would lose techno’s support. wilbur was probably using techno as a weapon, that was his mentality for a lot of people back then, but since he was the leader of pogtopia then that negative transference carried on to the rest of the members for techno, most of all tommy as he was the other key founder, and not as underhanded about getting techno’s help. i’d say wilbur’s address of techno during the final speech was the a key reason as to why techno doesn’t feel as used by him than he is with tommy, solidifying the anarchy bros before dying, meaning anything else could be revealed.

after the war, the bedrock bros were completely alienated from eachother. tommy started to blame everything about l’manberg’s destruction on techno, since wilbur died and ghostbur isn’t really at fault for anything. techno distanced himself from everything, going into retirement for the unforeseeable future because he felt like his violent anarchist tactics were futile and grew tired of constant conflict. he talked to tommy a few times during retirement, and every single time, he asks tommy how the government was working out for him. when he was at risk of being exiled, just before being exiled and immediately after exile. he wanted tommy to see the government in the same light as he did, because when l’manberg sold him out he realised they were the same. they’d both been betrayed by the government and from that point on he fully believed tommy would be better off away from l’manberg. but every time tommy said no, because he believed in the original dream wilbur had for l’manberg and because he trusted tubbo’s leadership. techno was smug when he was proved right because of course he was he’s technoblade. plus, they did view eachother as enemies at this point, so it’s not unacceptable for them to argue with eachother right now.

that brings us to the execution. traumatising! the refusal to run a fair trial and the dehumanising treatment from his old allies in pogtopia hammer this home, but importantly they rope philza into the chaos this time. ALSO it’s important to mention that techno was killed; he just got an extra life from the totem. he was actually killed and his character experienced that pain as punishment. he was pushed out of retirement, which was unjust in his eyes, since he believed he had genuinely changed. it didn’t help that quackity explicitly told him it wasn’t actually punishment for the withers, but instead a move to consolidate power, furthering his view of the cabinet as corrupt. from that point on he left retirement. he’d been doing well without violence, building connections with new people like vikk and lazar and finding a fragile form of peace, but in the end this shattered it. he’s back to being the blade, speaking with violence, because l’manberg made it clear there was no other way for him to be heard at this point. so he’s going to destroy them, even if he has to do it alone.

enter stage raccooninnit.

tommy taking refuge in techno’s house because he knew techno was rich enough for him to steal his resources and strong enough to defend him from dream is... interesting. he couldn’t go back to l’manberg, but he took refuge with a man who he viewed as a villain. this probably doesn’t help techno’s opinion of him, since he is quite literally using him for his resources, but in the end of the day tommy was desperate and quite literally on the verge of death, so he seemed to take some kind of pity on him. the exile period of their relationship is definitely the most important part of this argument, because it was just the two of them: no wilbur or pogtopia as an external force (though the pressure of dream and l’manberg still affected things) but in the same way ultimately doomed to fail. they fight for a moment, but ultimately settle as ‘business partners’. which quickly evolves back into a friendship like the one they had before the festival.

my least favourite take is that either one of them never valued the other at this point because this is just.... violently not true. they started off working for mutual benefit; tommy explicitly agreed to do minor terrorism in l’manberg and to help techno get his weapons back in return for techno’s help getting the discs back and taking refuge in his house. from the start both of them stated their limits:

techno was always planning on getting revenge on l’manberg for what happened on the day of his execution

tommy never wanted to upset tubbo, and wanted to put getting his discs back first

should note that tommy changes his mind on the disc’s priority later on, but at the point of their alliance he does make it clear that’s what he wants out of the partnership. the issue is that from the start both of them went in with blind optimism. neither of them lied to eachother or forced them to change their viewpoints but in the end of the day they could never be on the same side as long as l’manberg was involved. (note, i think some people think he wasn’t but techno was actually planning on helping tommy getting the discs back, with him getting annoyed at tommy letting tubbo give dream the disc because that made both of their jobs so much harder, but it was more of a long term goal bc he knew dream was hard to beat. plus before his execution, he visited tommy and strongly implied he would be willing to help with the discs, and that he would be a better ally in those personal aims than NLM were)

i don’t understand the ‘techno was only using tommy’ accusation here because like... how? what would he have to gain by having tommy on his side? he could definitely have blown up l’manberg without his help, so why bring him in at all? it was a very mutual agreement of ‘we’re using eachother’ that developed into genuine friendship. i’ve always seen it as a teaching experience: techno knows tommy had been wronged by NLM, and by extension tubbo, and by taking him on these minor terrorism trips, he’s showing tommy the worst of l’manberg. look, look at this execution stand, look at what they’ve done. and in doing this, he’s trying to prove to tommy that what he’s going to do to l’manberg is right. and in showing him the worst of NLM, he’s neglecting all of its good parts, but again, techno cant see any positives in l’manberg, and is trying to show tommy that everyone, especially tommy, would be better off without it. and tommy had criticisms of l’manberg before he was exiled, especially in regards to tubbo. he told ranboo the reason he chose wilbur to be president instead of tubbo was because he was worried the presidency would ruin their friendship, and Look At Exactly What Happened. techno highlighting the flaws of the country to tommy was easy because it WAS flawed and it hurt both of them. and techno’s hope was that tommy would join him in the eventual destruction of it, because he wanted to share his revenge with tommy and for him to get his own justice against l’manberg. but it... didn’t quite work out that way.

they both tried to make it easier for the other; techno told tommy he didn’t need to fight against l’manberg if he didn’t want to, but tommy came with him to the festival anyway to confront dream, despite techno’s mission being against the government in that situation. tommy started to view tubbo’s cabinet as corrupt for the execution and neglecting him during exile, and ended up helping techno out around the base and even toning down the purposeful annoyance (per techno’s ooc request). and the day before the green festival, he told techno he would help to destroy l’manberg (not knowing how quickly things would escalate the next day, since doomsday was fairly spontaneous) but in the end they would never be able to find a full compromise: techno would always be an anarchist and tommy could never hurt tubbo.

people accuse techno of not caring for tommy, which really annoys me because it’s not?? true??? if anything he shows more outward affection than tommy did. he didn’t have any benefit from taking in tommy, but he still did it. it’s not really basic decency either, given that they were technically enemies beforehand. he picked up on tommy’s fragile state around dream and defended, hid him despite the fact that he owed dream, he kept him away from logsted and the final control room after realising how upsetting they were. he exchanged the christmas presents, he jumped in to defend him against the rest of the server and when tommy betrayed techno, he was genuinely hurt! he was wrecklessly impulsive in a way the calculated blade usually wasn’t, almost blowing up half his house (including almost killing his villagers) because of the negative association with dnret.

that’s not to say tommy doesn’t also get absolutely crucified for betraying techno because of all of techno did for him. again it was somewhat inevitable. tommy said it himself, he was turning into someone he didn’t want to be, he was hurting people, and it was somewhat because he was living with technoblade. he was so powerless under dream, and he liked the feeling of power he got from teaming with techno, so much so that it drove him to cruelty, with even techno telling him he went too far with fundy. in the end, it’s probably for the best that he set that boundary and left to go back to l’manberg, but ultimately it was upsetting to both of them. techno felt betrayed because he genuinely thought tommy was his friend, only to be turned on last minute once again, now surrounded alone by enemies he was trying to protect tommy from. to him, allying with dream was just as bad as tommy allying with l’manberg. a betrayal for a betrayal, absolute reciprocity.

we all know the doomsday speech, with techno’s arguments being consistently stronger than tommy’s and much easier to defend, but we can’t just dismiss him. tommy had a lot of emotional input that day, and was angry at techno for a Lot of reasons, so he was more focused on shouting than making sense. he was more accusatory, while techno had fairly focused rebuttals (which, fair, i’m pretty sure that was techno’s first big addressal of most of that with other characters). it ended with tommy calling techno selfish for destroying l’manberg and techno coldly shutting tommy out for the betrayal.

betrayal was the driving force for techno’s “weapon” speech. tommy used him in pogtopia, tried to use him to stop dream exiling him and terrorising NLM) which he laughed at when told in character) and used him for getting the discs back. tommy wasn’t just using him, he genuinely felt like they had built a relationship beyond that, but when techno acted under his own ideals that went against his, then it was over. because tommy doesn’t value techno’s ideals, because they’re ‘selfish’ to him since he’s one of the only ones who believes in them. in turn techno sees that as making tommy selfish and as such they’re unable to compromise.

living with techno was an important part of tommy’s recovery process, which is still ongoing now. he saw immediate changes from his time with dream, claiming he felt “more me-ey” around techno and genuinely valuing his company. but he viewed techno’s alliance with dream as a betrayal, and he viewed the nov 16th incident as a betrayal. because he see’s techno’s belief in anarchy as selfish. something i never hear people point out is that tommy ADMITS he betrayed techno. after doomsday*, he says “all this time, technoblade told me i was betraying him. and you know what? (whispered) i was.” he’s guilty about it, and he understands that techno’s hurt. but he still can’t see him as being in the right, because techno took l’manberg forcefully and violently, and because tommy was hurt by their separation too. techno was powered by revenge more than anarchy during doomsday, which i think is important to point out. tommy had focused in on the threat of dream, and forgotten all the trauma techno went through with l’manberg, and left techno to rejoin l’manberg.

BOTH of them have explicitly stated “i viewed him as a friend but he never viewed me as one” and that’s just... devastating. at one point we can only hope that they have an in-canon conversation to actually settle all of this, but for now their storylines are separate and we’ll just have to live with that.

if anyone has anything they’d like to ask/clarify, or additions from any side i’d love to see it bc character analysis of dsmp characters is what’s keeping me going rn lmao. i said betrayal so many times here i am very sorry for clogging up the tag bc my readmore isn’t working yet (edit SAVED)

*i actually think this speech from tommy is very important, and not looked at as much as other stuff so im gonna link it here [55:52].

#technoblade #tommyinnit #dsmp #mcyt #bedrock bros #dsmp analysis #my readmore isn’t working sad face #can you tell im done with one sided discourse? i just can’t cope with black and white accusations they are all so so flawed #people are entitled to their opinions but sometimes it is just character bashing #the victim complex accusation rots my brain almost as much as people critising how c!techno shows emotions bc folks.... COME ON #if this is coherent i will be AMAZED because i should have focused on either pogtopia era or exile era #i don’t understand mcyttwt because this would be like five threads they have no room to argue anything how do they live #long post #my metas #if this post flops i will be devastated bc then i can’t justify procrastinating 2 essays #sbi #sleepy boys inc

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tartagliaxx · 3 years ago

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**contains multiple trigger warnings so please just ignore to be safe

to r anon,

i'm going to be honest with you. the feelings that you are experiencing right now are beyond what i have felt. i can't even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you but i'll try my best to understand and be here for you. i say this a lot but i'm proud of you. you working things through and living another day is no easy feat. i know that it's hard and i know that you're really trying and i appreciate that. healing, recovering, feeling better... if there was anything i learned from my experiences, it's that none of those come with just one day. it might seem tedious and not worth it. i mean, you said it yourself. sometimes it feels like you're not getting any better so what's the point? the thing is, the fact that you woke up today and fought to live despite how horrible things are for you means that this tiring process is worth something. life is something with immeasurable value and to strive to protect that would always be worth something.

i know that you have a good heart deep down but sometimes, i wish you'd be a little more selfish. it might sound contradictory but i feel like you deserve to put yourself first too. while taking your exam, you chose to keep quiet because you didn't want to disturb others and i understand that. i probably would've done the same but i can't help but tell you that i wish you got yourself out of the room especially since it made you uncomfortable. getting into college is a good goal, maintaining high grades too but i know too well the feeling of being afraid that you'll disappoint others. i must be sounding like a hypocrite now but i wish you could one day live for yourself instead of others. you're a great person. genuinely i believe that. when this blog was just starting out, it was you who motivated me to keep on posting even if no one was keeping their eyes on me but you see, i don't know who you are. i don't know your achievements and i don't know your grades. i do know one thing though and that's the fact that when i practically had no one to talk to during vacation, it was your messages that i awoke to and it made me so happy. you're a genuinely kind and compassionate person and you're worth so much more than an exam and a card. i took robotics once for hs. i was good at it but sometimes i still got low marks bc of a suddenly malfunctioning part. it didn't make me less of a good programmer. it's just that unforeseeable things affect us every day and it might affect our performance too. you might not have been in your best form today but that doesn't mean you're not a brilliant person. just like an unexpected error, your mental health stopped you from performing your best, and y'know? that's fine. bc our definitions of best changes every day. sometimes my best is sitting through a lecture and sometimes it's finishing twelve tasks in one sitting. you're trying your best right now and for me, that's all that matters.

i've had that thought that maybe if i performed less exceptionally back then, i wouldn't be so tired and unmotivated today. and you know what? maybe that's the case. but the thing is, this is me now. i get straight a's and i'm proud of it. i can ponder about the what-ifs for as long as i want but it wouldn't change the fact that i am now someone who is looked up to. it hasn't all been too bad and maybe you can say that the bad outweighs the good. maybe you're right but i also don't want to wash over the good little things i had. if it weren't for my high standards, i wouldn't be needing release. i wouldn't be writing, i wouldn't have met the special people i have in my life now. and yes, this might seem like a twisted and round-about way of thinking about it but it worked for me.

i think it's important to look at the present, not the future. if we're so keen on the idea of the future, the present loses its value. a song will end but that doesn't mean we can't appreciate the few minutes of happiness it'll bring us. a book will have a 'the end' but that doesn't mean that the ride was invaluable. a life would end but that doesn't mean it can't be satisfying nor does it need to end now. there are so many reasons to live and idk. the reasons i have, at least, make me hope that the future ahead of me before my inevitable death would be worth whatever pain i'm feeling now. i also don't think this is punishment because i know that you didn't do anything wrong. no one deserves this kind of pain imo. mental illnesses are illnesses. it's scientific. it's not some abstract idea that befalls the evil. it ails the patients and though you contract it differently, everyone deserves to be treated for it.

thank you for coming to me today and for trusting me with this. it sucks. like it really sucks that you're going through this but i think we can get through this together. my personal development prof said smth back then and it goes, "it's one thing to stay positive amid adversity but it's another to just accept that life is adversity itself. adversaries, however, are not permanent. it changes and goes. stick around to witness it unwind. it's one of the grotesque ways the world proves your resilience to yourself."

also yes, genshin boys so valid. they also were like,, my last line of defense back in summer break. i'm so sorry i can't offer any help beyond this. idek if what i said made sense bc like,, i'm not the best person to come to when it comes to feelings but like i said, i want to try and i want to be there for you. i love you lots honey. i hope you feel better soon.

#˗ˋˏ°• letters from cat island •°ˎˊ˗#˗ˋˏ°• from my darling : r •°ˎˊ˗

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wantaichi · 4 years ago

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karasuno as guy best friends

all platonic over here, folks.

[reuploading due to tagging problems grr]

SUGAWARA KOUSHI made you swoon the first you met him and no one could blame you - ‘hii i don’t think we’ve met, i’m suga :)’ cue hand shake and soft hand squeeze and pretty eyes staring right into you melting your insides.. he’s just naturally sweet towards everyone and you learn this eventually. loves giving head pats and asking about your day and telling you to ‘take care text me when you get home!’ you‘re always telling him whoever he’d end up with would be the luckiest person on earth and you’d never forgive them if they hurt him. the type of guy best friend who spams your profile pic with comments - ‘wHO IS SHE’, ‘ohhh she glowin!’ - and acts all surprised as if you hadn’t just asked him to choose that photo for you. has a sixth sense for you that’s always so on-point he could tell when you’re faking a smile and would drag you out of the room discreetly saying ‘c’mon lets talk’

DAICHI SAWAMURA acts as the parent/legal guardian throughout your friendship, always reminding you to drink your water and to drop instant noodles from your diet. he has your birthday penciled into his planner and phone calendar, remembers your hyper-specific coffee order from starbucks, and knows all your pet peeves - from slow walkers to being told to ‘chill’ because it invalidates your feelings. the best friend you can trust to do your yearbook write up for you because he knows all your best qualities and remembers all your achievements by heart. doesn’t seem to be aware of his own popularity - his mental age surpasses that of people his age - and couldn’t be bothered with anything concerning romance so you’re always trying to pimp him out set him up with friends and friends of friends who are dying to date him

ASAHI AZUMANE’s always seen as the understated friend in the group just quietly soaking up everyone’s stories in the background but actually has a comedic streak only you and few others know about. it’s easy to miss because he’s too shy to say his jokes out loud so he mumbles them to himself, and they’re so insanely corny - delivered with a straight face - it had you tearing up from laughter the first time you caught him. you love that his brand of funny is free from any kind of attention seeking and feel lucky to be one of the few to witness this side of him. his sense of humor shines best when innocently poking fun at his close friends like doing accurate re-enactments of suga smizing at his reflection or daichi holding his screen 10 inches from his face, or when you’re expressively telling a story and he goes “do that face again” so you do it and he’s like “one more” and idiot you does it again before realizing bitch is trolling you ugh

NISHINOYA YUU is your wild card friend - you never know when he’d show up to things, but when he does, everyone knows. the friend you wished upon a shooting star the way Lilo did and ended up getting a gremlin smh. he’s the spark plug for spontaneous action in your life - would randomly text blast everyone on a weekend to hangout and watch that rooster fight in his neighborhood or go feral at the batting cage downtown, and you’re like wtf...game. deep conversations aren’t really his thing but you’re always so down for anything, to ride along with all the shit he enjoys and listen to his ramblings and it’s that rawness he loves about your friendship. the best friend that has a tendency to go missing in action all of a sudden and no one knows where he is but will randomly hit you up at 10pm to grab ramen with him or those ghetto ass meals ($0.80 rice burgers ftw) on the sidewalk that give you both diarrhea

TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE tried to shoot his shot with you the first you met; now cringes whenever reminded about it because you’re a sausage to him now, as sausage everyone else on the team. the best friend who’s down to hang out literally from morning ‘til dawn, have friends over for a week, go out for late night visits or spontaneous road trips - really anything that serves an excuse to be with the bros (including you). you’d joke about growing sick of each other’s company but deep down you know he’s the one person you could never tire of and run out of fun things to do with. the best friend you could simply be drinking grapefruit shochu with or eating cup noodles and it’d still be one of the most memorable moments with him. the most reliable especially when you’ve gone through a messy break up or when it’s red season - will come over with a whole bag of instant ramen, some takoyaki and some ibuprofen (regardless of the situation)

you and HINATA SHOUYO hit it off within the first hour of meeting each other. you’ve screeched talked about everything there’s to know about the other - volleyball, school life, mutual friends, music taste, siblings, irrational fears and childhood traumas - added each other on facebook, followed each other’s instagram, made plans to watch that game in another school; all within an hour. there’s just something about him that makes it easy for you to open up about anything. the friend that gets you all flustered at the start because he’s so touchy and always poking and hugging you every chance he gets (turns out he’s an accidental flirt). he’s your number one fan and cheerleader and has a way with words that always lifts your spirit, but also definitely the best friend who always gets you sent out of class because your thumb wrestling match or game of tic tac toe got over competitive

KAGEYAMA TOBIO isn’t sure who or what exactly counts as a best friend but he knows which people to trust and which ones trust him back and accept him as he is. yours is a friendship where seeing and talking to each other might happen every few weeks (or even months) but knowing you can count on the other for support and encouragement. there’s never any pressure to be more expressive and he feels comfortable to just be his normal self around you; you’ve probably bonded over mutual interest like volleyball or just sports in general, something that made a lasting impression and led to keeping in touch. you can’t be there in all his games but you make sure to stay updated and send him a ‘congrats!’ or ‘you did your best!’ after matches. you’re sometimes mistaken for his s/o (with how comfortable he is with you), and though neither of you give a shit and even ride along with it sometimes, deep down you’re both thinking: ‘HARD PASS’

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI - timid and innocent, that’s the first impression he gives off to a lot of people. he seems hard to get to know at first but all it takes is a little kindness and authenticity for this boy to warm up to you. deep down he’s hemorrhaging with happiness whenever someone introduces themselves and welcomes him as a friend - he’s never really sure if people like him and he doesn’t like imposing on others. even on a best friend level you’ll learn that there’s so much more layers to him - that he’s loudest when nerding out on things like underdog athletes and comics and art, that he has an eye for aesthetic and beauty and is easily attracted to pretty faces and stylish dressers (but is blind to red flags sighh). he keeps you updated with the trendiest stuff like that milk tea store that just opened or that new release on netflix — always up to date with everything ugh

to TSUKISHIMA KEI, people are either strangers or friends. you could be talking or working together on a daily basis but he’d still consider your friendship superficial; inversely, you could be hanging out only once/twice a week but your conversations would always be interesting or challenging enough for him to keep you around. you’re most likely the louder one or always the one initiating conversations and asking to hang out with him; he’ll call you annoying but secretly appreciates your genuine interest in reaching out to him. you’ll know he acknowledges you as a friend when gives you song recs based on your music taste or asks for your opinion on things - should he get new headphones or that limited edition t-rex figurine? he’ll engage you in debate while studying, in talks about social issues and maybe some existential stuff and you’ll learn that the unforeseeable future led by your generation keeps him up at night

a/n: because my guy best friends started messaging out of nowhere and i’m missing them more than usual.

#karasuno #haikyuu #tsukishima kei #hq!!#haikyuu!!#kageyama tobio #hq headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sugawara koushi #daichi sawamura #azumane asahi #nishinoya yuu #tanaka ryuunosuke #hinata shouyou #yamaguchi tadashi

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sithisreadingcorner · 3 years ago

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Hi Sithi, I'm Sab :) I hope you're doing well. My presence here is mainly due to a curiosity that I have regarding this new year ahead since wednesday was my birthday (11/10/1995). I'm seeking your guidance regarding my 26th years which I'm quite curious and a bit "worried" about if you sense what I mean lol (for the context...i'm almost at the end of my law studies, it's like i'm entering in a "consolidation era" lol where I have to "prove myself"+ i tend sometimes to have some "existential" worries in my life in general without sounding too deep or too scorpionic). For my favorite thing ? Rn it would be gingerbreads covered with dark chocolate which I crave all the time this season :) Or in general, I love everything related to birds! 🥺Thank you in advance and I wish you a nice day/night! 👁👀 (i couldn't decide which one I prefer the most lmao😭)

Oh my goodness Sab, happy belated birhtday!! I hope you had a really pleasant time and everything that you wished for will come true this year!! 🥰

Omg dont even talk to me about those cinnamon boys. Now I crave them too!! 😂 And i absolutely LOVE birbs and everything about birbs, so even though this was not a test, you are still absolutely acing it somehow 😂

Its been a while since I've done this, cause I tend to lay out my cards intuitively, but the good ole vanilla Celtic Cross is a fantastic spread if you need some kind of general direction in your life and I kinda feel like doing it rn, so.

the hierophant. king of swords

What seems to be the core of your issues, at least how I see it, is that now you have learned this immense amount of knowledge, but you seem uncertain how to actually apply it to real life situations. And this is not really like a practical thing (or maybe it partially is, it could be both) but what I'm sensing is that this is rather a moral question. You already know what there is, but you don't really know how to use this knowledge to fight the good fights, or you have some kind of doubt and don't trust yourself with the ability to do so. I totally understand if this is causing you worries, because this is an extremely complicated issue. But I would reckon that if you are really so deeply concerned with doing what is morally right, you have a good start at the very least!

ten of coins. the world the chariot. five of coins

This part is normally used as something like a past-future-cause-effect axis, but instead I wanted to use it as a matrix of things that you could or should work on. And the results are extremely positive, I'm happy to say. If you had any worries about whether this will work out for you as a carreer, please don't fear, because unless something unforeseeably and drastically changes, this path will be both lucrative and emotionally fulfilling, full of opportunities, and it seems like you've got everything that it takes. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so. The cards you got for these positions are very powerful and overwhelmingly reassuring.

There is one thing however, that you could definitely work on. I had to pull some clarification cards here because the Chariot is a very generic card to pull here with a lot of different meanings that could make sense. And I pulled the page of wands reversed and the five of cups reversed. Which makes me think, that you seem very... idk if that's the best word I could use but impatient? What I mean by this is not a day to day, moment to moment kind of impatience but rather that you want to move things too quickly, and maybe in some other cases when you would need to act fast you are indecisive and start doubting yourself. And here's the thing. I think, if you move on with your life today and heed no word to what I just said, you will still become a good lawyer(judge? whatever you are studying for). But if you don't work on this and pay attention to this, a) it will be at the very serious detriment of your mental health, as you will feel constant stress and frustration, and b) it might impact your cases in some teeny tiny ways that could still be avoided for the absolute best outcome possible.

So. You need to focus on what battles to pick, when you have to lay low, and when is the right time to make moves. Timing is everything. I don't feel like this is a one time thing that someone could just plaster a singular piece of advice on, but from the cards that I got it seems to me that you will know how to fix this and it won't be very difficult, you just have to work on it actively.

ace of cups reversed

I can tell that you feel really apprehensive, maybe even scared, of your "consolidation era". However, especially in the light of the other cards you got, the inconvenience of this card is extremely benign, and in the bigger scheme of things ignorable.

five of swords

Arguments, hostility and stress are unfortunately par the course for your job, and it will probably take a toll on you emotionally, but you shouldn't let that stop you, and please don't let yourself think that you are bad at it or that's somehow your shortcoming. Just take good care of yourself and live to fight another day. Setbacks are a part of every job, so no worries there, it is what it is.

three of cups. the hermit

The most important takeaway that I want you to have from this reading is that the kind of mental and moral fortitude that you seek to embody is something that is built up over time and requires a lot of hard work and experience. If you don't feel like you are some kind of unparalleled and infallible beacon of socioeconomic justice right away, that's actually not only true probably, but in fact completely okay.💗 You seem very dedicated however, and if you don't let the small setbacks feed your doubts and get in the way, you will one day be known far and wide as a helper of your community.

Traces of the community aspect seem to have come up more than once in this reading, here and there in a kind of subliminal fashion. I'm under the impression that there is some kind of core issue in your heart that you particularly care about, that makes this all a personal stake that motivates you to do this job - you really care about families in need and/or a specific group of people that need help with something (perhaps you or someone you know very closely belong in this group in some kind of way?). The fact that you care so deeply will make this job harder in some sense of the word, but never forget that is in fact your strength and your humanity will also play an invisible but large role in your success. I think that if you listen to them and keep working hard, eventually the people whom you seek to help will cherish you and even uplift you in some way that they can.

And one more thing.

seven of cups reversed

I don't think that this has anything to do with the rest of the reading, but this card just fell out, seemingly to warn you about something. This card could have multiple meanings but they are mostly centered around "deception" (that of yourself or by others) or "bad choice/harmful indecision". And I can't really lean towards either, the two meanings are competing in my mind as if they were both true to varying degrees. If you have been putting off some kind of decision lately, you should pay attention to that now, but you should also look into it deeper first because it seems that you don't have all the facts yet.

Sab, I hope that you enjoyed this reading and it was helpful in some way! Take care of yourself and unless we talk again until that time, happy holidays! 💗

tip

#tarot #txt #spirit speak #bday

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bookworming-101 · 3 years ago

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Thanks to my followers for remaining here.

It has been one of the hardest years of my entire life, I am struggling with more things than I have ever before in all phases. The result has proven to be hardcore on my physical and mental health.

These consequences have prompted me to close this blog until the unforeseeable future. Its hard to see the tumblr notifications and think “wow what a different life I lived. I had the ability to read”. At this point, I am lucky to sit down and eat.

So, for those following, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope to come back to this.

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the-nexus · 4 years ago

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Just need to vent a little LOT. Feel free to ignore.

My activity here has been pretty damn dismal lately as we’ve noticed. No, I’m not quitting tumblr. I’ve just been hyper stressed at work with having to put in extra hours to cover for a coworker who believes she can keep her job by calling out and saying she’s unwell when, as we’ve discovered, she’s back on drugs. This employee was given numerous chances and even had the company willing to get her the help she needed, which she got, but then went right back to calling out and doing those drugs again. She no longer works for us anymore, so there won’t be a need to wonder if she’s going to come in or if someone (me!) needs to cover her shifts.

But now we have another employee who likes to party and calls out because of hangovers and this results in me being left short handed. Like tonight. I have never been pushed so far in a shift in my life. I’ve had, and still have, severe back pain, had chest pain, and fought so damn hard not to have a mental break down at work. I wanted to cry so bad, but didn’t want customers to see me so low when I’m known for being so cheerful and bubbly.

We have one employee retiring in a week, another one likely getting fired, one out for the unforeseeable future, and one needing to be replaced since she chose drugs over her job and health. I’m still having to pull extra shifts until we can get more people hired that will actually work and not quit after a week.

If I didn’t need this job so damn bad because of the great hours and good pay, I likely would have walked out tonight. But I couldn’t just up and ditch the store after 5 years. I am often reminded they need me and are happy they have me. I don’t call out from work unless I am severely sick, I cover extra shifts, and I am the main closing manager. Replacing me would not be an easy task for them.

All the stress that’s been going on the past year is really bringing me down. Writing is my stress relief, but I can’t write because the only muses I feel are my Saiyuki muses and I cannot find ANYONE who writes the muses from the same fandom or even KNOWS what it is. So, my low desire to write and my rising depression have been wrecking me hard. I know people love to write with my Zack, but my muse for him is so very low and I apologize.

I just really wanted to let it all out and I am so sorry for my shit activity. I’m in hell, but hopefully soon things will get better.

#Fluff Queen Speaking [ooc]

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samwrights · 4 years ago

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Still Into You - Punk!AU [Makki]

I can’t believe this is the beginning of the “end” of this series. Sorry for the long delay, I tend to go in and out with inspiration. Lyrics that are italicized are sung by you.

WARNINGS: Language, nicotine use

Word count: ~4k

Song Used: Still Into You by Paramore

A complimentary playlist can be found » here

Photo credit @scandeniall (I’m still so utterly in love with it, bb).

Everything about Makki’s public announcement of his breakup with Momoka was shocking, to say the least. For the most part, though, it seemed not many paid any mind save for the screams that erupted when he kissed you in front of everyone. New life surged within you well after that, giving you the fire and gumption to flow and sway through the energy of the last song—I Don’t Care if You’re Contagious. The song was a swanky creation of Kuroo’s that involved a lot of to and fro motions and lyrics, lines teetering back and forth between the two of you.

As fun and lively as it was, you were far from able to get your mind off of the song that came before it, the song that Makki had sang and wrote for you. Though it was unintentional, rather it was just a way that created fluidity within the set, it was time you returned the favor for the strawberry-brunette.

There was no little speech or segue-way into the song you’d written for Takahiro Hanamaki years ago, only the slow rolling crescendo of a symbol roll from Terushima before the poignant chime that queued your voice. With practiced performance and ease, the words flowed through your mind without concentration. It allowed your mind to wander, arriving at the question of: is this how Makki felt when he sang on stage to you?

And after all this time, I’m still into you.

Did he feel his heart thrumming in his chest out of anxiety and the rumbling of the drums? Did he constantly feel that he was on the verge of accidentally confessing? Did he feel the pride that washed over himself from hearing the audience cheer over a song that was so personal? You searched for the answer in his steel toned eyes.

I should be over all the butterflies

Did he ever think that the two of you would get to confess to each other in the form of art?

I’m into you

The look in his eyes said yes, said come closer. And without a moments hesitation, you sauntered over with microphone in hand, locking your eyes with his. The glassy, glazed over look that was typical of them was replaced with warmth, with longing. It’s raw and ready, and god damnit, you were going to take it.

Let them wonder how we got this far ‘Cause I don’t really need to wonder at all

A smile tightens over Takahiro’s face, causing a single cheekbone to protrude ever so slightly underneath his slightly sagging skin. His lanky form is relaxed, gaunt fingers slapping over the strings of his bass as he vibes to the rhythm. Minimally, he chimes in with his backing vocals but the serene look on his face unearths the peace he feels. It seems that he was just as lost in your own little world as he was.

And on the drive back to my house, I told you that I loved you

As much as you want to spend the entirety of this song gazing into Makki’s endearing eyes—something you’d already done enough of for the evening—you had a job to do. So rather than indulging yourself, you tiptoe and stretch over during the minuscule intermission between lines to place a kiss on your bassist’s cheek before sauntering off to interact with your other bandmates. There’s a slight swagger to your step, confidence fully fueling your strut as you belt every note.

We sang along to the start of forever

Even pre-confession, this song you’d written many years ago brought you to life. It’s vivacious and uplifting, even if you’d wrote it during the prime of your pining. If there could even be a definitive prime, considering you’d fallen fast and hard for Makki with only months in to knowing him.

And after all this time, I’m still into you

Now that you thought about the last twenty-four hours in a strange sense of peace, a part of you wondered how and when you’d even began falling for the bassist. Hanamaki had seen you at your most vulnerable moments—customer service tended to bring out the worst in you on occasion—when you’d been overwhelmed with menial problems. The strawberry-brunette had always been there to console you, encourage you were on the right path in whichever direction you were going. That even, maybe one day while you felt like you weren’t accomplishing enough, you were going to change the world.

Makki had actually told you that once on a blunt cruise. The proclamation had made you chuckle because, while he was applauding your tenacity and drive, he was also simultaneously rebuking your sometimes childlike wonder and tendencies. It was a game of cat and mouse in which you both loved to play since the very beginning, to the point where you wonder if you had loved Takahiro in a past life. That was the only explanation you had for the natural affection that bloomed between the two of you, even back then.

Some things just don’t make sense And one of those is you and I

No matter how much time you spent pondering a pinpoint in the timeline of when and how it all began, you realize it doesn’t matter in the slightest. What matters is the way his teeth are glistening in the spotlight as he bobs and moves along with his instrument. It’s lax yet prominent, a juxtaposition that is very much Takahiro Hanamaki. Very much your Hiro.

Not a day goes by that I’m not into you

And suddenly, as the song comes to closer and closer to the end, you’re swept and overwhelmed with a fondness for the three men that surrounded you on the stage. Not only for the man that grew up to be your person, but Tetsu and Yūji as well. These men, no matter what happened to the band in the future, were your best friends in the entire fucking planet. Considering you were only in your mid to late twenties, depending on your view, your life with them made up the better half of your cognitive years.

Regardless of the relationship between you and Hanamaki and the potential, unforeseeable future after this show, you needed to acknowledge that before moving forward. This could be the end of it all, this could be a make or break moment. But it seemed Makki acknowledges your sudden silent pessimism, that once severed mental connection stronger than ever tonight, by furrowing his brows. His two eyebrow rings move with the hairs as a pout comes to play.

Even on our worst nights

Takahiro was going to have words with you later, after the show. That much was obvious by the way he seems disgruntled at your onslaught of muted lack of perk. You should be happy, over the moon even, and you were. But recounting everything that you had in the last three minutes, you were slightly hesitant to finish this set. As if, once it were all over, Elixir was going to shatter as opposed to continuing being the remedy of your monotonous reality of life.

But there’s a look on Makki’s face, flooding his steely grey eyes that offers reassurance. It’s full of love and it makes you want to run over and kiss him, but your hand and mouth are a little occupied at the moment with a microphone. Instead, you saunter back over in his direction as you close out with your vocal range going higher and higher. The last word drops in intonation as the band ends their own respective parts, your fingers suddenly clutching at the thin fabric of the bassist’s shirt as you pulled him down for a kiss this time.

I’m still into you

“Thanks so much for hanging out with us tonight—we are Elixir if you’re just joining the party. Come visit us at our merch booth and support your local artists!” With the sound of the audience applauding, your bandmates began breaking down all the equipment to load it back up in the van while you were on merch duty. Running quickly over to your table, you began interacting and engaging with recognizable faces that were looking to grab stickers and shirts. Those recognizable faces melded into three very familiar ones—Momoka and the other two girlfriends—and each of them looking incredibly displeased to say the least.

“That was a cute little publicity stunt,” Momoka remarks. Her arms are folded over her chest as she stares you down. “Did you and Makki rehearse that?”

“Oh yeah. The last ten years were a rehearsal and last night we decided to cry over it and just use the stage to put on a show.” You rolled your eyes, fixing up a couple shirts that no longer laid neatly on the table because despite your sassy comeback, her presence was causing you to fidget. Not out of nerves, no. More so out of restraint because you were certain adrenaline was beginning to pump through your veins as a response to fight-or-flight. Momoka only sneers, hardening her glare as if to tell you she was standing her ground. “I don’t know what you want me to say to you—“

“I’d rather you say nothing,” she snapped, “just stay away from Takahiro.” The way his name rolls off her tongue sounds like nails on a chalkboard; like the sound of a worn down pencil eraser where the metal scratches along the paper.

“Bruh, how embarrassing. He broke up with you publicly in front of dozens of people and you’re still defending your non-existent relationship.” You probably shouldn’t have said that. No matter how good it felt to say it, you probably shouldn’t have done it, probably should have been the bigger person.

But with the way Momoka’s poise melts and her arms unfold are her hands are reaching for any part of you she can reach as she lunges towards you, you don’t really have time to ponder your invisible regret. Instead, all you can do is stagger backwards with hands splaying out behind you to brace yourself against the wall behind you. Though you expected to feel the plastic, painted bricks, you are instead met with a damp warmth that greets your skin. “She has a point, Momoka.”

The rich timbre of Makki’s voice sends your heart into erratic throbbing, completely disregarding the fact that the woman before you had quite literally attempted to lay a hand on you. Even in times of peril, nothing compared to the feelings that the man, your man, behind you brought to you. When you came to your senses, you relaxed ever so slightly at Makki’s gentle grip on your shoulders and the way the strawberry-brunette’s chin came to rest atop the crown of your head.

“Quit fucking around, Takahiro.” Momoka all but spits out, fingers clenching and grasping at nothing but air as if she were just itching to have something between her claws; preferably, probably, your throat.

“I meant what I said up there,” Hanamaki’s gaunt thumb gesture languidly towards the stage, all the while his chin remains rooted atop your head, grinding lovingly into your scalp. “We’re through.”

“And, what, you’re with [name] now?” The way Momoka tosses your name out like scrap paper into a waste basket forces the man behind you into the defensive. He’s no longer slouching or hunched over as he holds you protectively. Instead, Makki is standing at his full, six-foot height with his chin jutting out in pride as he nudges you behind him. The strawberry-brunette doesn’t say anything in response, merely prompts his now ex-girlfriend with his challenging pose. “You were literally making fun of her last night at practice and now—“

“She’s also been my best friend for the last ten years, we pick on each other and we picked each other. Now fuck off, Momoka.” Not wanting to entertain her further, Makki wraps an arm around snugly around your shoulder before all but dragging you outside and away from the merchandise table. Apparently it didn’t matter to him if anyone were there or not—he knew you well enough to know that you more than likely needed a nicotine break after the set and after the altercation. “Hey, I’m sorry about her. I probably should have thought out the breakup better than just deciding to do it on stage—“

“Takahiro,” you interrupt after sparking your cigarette and taking the first drag. Slouching as you stood, your free hand rested on your bicep, closing off the relaxed body language despite responding with, “it was perfect.” His shale stone eyes light up ever so slightly, almost refracting into an olive tone as he stands up straight while looking down at you.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” The two of you fall quiet once again, even as Hanamaki’s lanky arms come to encircle your closed off form. It’s a reassuring gesture, or at least you assume it’s meant to be, as his chin rests atop yours once again, smoking be damned.

“So we’re good?”

“As long as there is a ‘we’, I think so.” Your voice starts out muffled and subdued from being buried in his chest, crescendoing as Makki pulls back and tilts your chin up to look directly at you. That same thin hand guides you further until your bassist melts his lips against yours, pouring every ounce of love that he could into his kiss. Sandalwood and ink fill your nostrils as you pull him closer, tossing your forgotten cigarette onto the pavement to wind your fingers into his locks tickling the nape of his neck.

From an outsider perspective, the two of you probably looked a little trashy, for lack of better term, with the way you were clutching hungrily at each other; with the way the either refused to yield or break apart from the tongue-to-tongue contact. Like desperate lovers that hadn’t seen each other for long due to infidelity—spectators loved to write stories for situations like this.

And maybe one story teller got it right but that idea had gone completely over both of your heads because anyone else’s judgment at the moment just didn’t matter right now. The only thing that did matter was the way Makki held, trying to fuse every atom in both of your bodies as if to make up for lost time. “I love you so, so much, [name],” the strawberry-brunette pants out after needing to catch his breath, “more than anything.”

Those words became the catalyst to the start of forever.

Forever, included you not renewing the lease to your tiny duplex and Makki reciprocating the same action with his small studio in the city. Instead, the two of you took what savings you had and put money down on a cozy, three bedroom home together. It was slightly terrifying, making such a big decision together and not even just on the basis of the fresh relationship. If anything, the relationship was the least of your concerns.

Income was, of course, the biggest worry but, Makki being Makki, constantly reassured you that the two of you would without a doubt prosper. And his unfailing faith always seemed to pay off.

Takahiro, after slaving away as a journalist for the last few years, had finally risen through the ranks at the local alternative magazine he had been writing for and was promoted to editor-in-chief. The lazy guise that he wore daily never fooled you—you always knew he worked smart and hard and it was finally loud and proud for the world to see.

The same could be said for you, excelling in your field while simultaneously being approached to write songs for other artists you had the fortune to meet through Makki’s job. You could say there certainly were benefits to being his plus one to the many gala-type events he had to attend for work, and they most certainly benefitted you as an individual, as a couple, and as a band.

Elixir was still going strong, even with more years passing. The publicity stunt, as Momoka had deemed it, had been blasted through every social media platform known to man. Many found Makki’s public break up humiliating for his ex-girlfriend, but many comments defended the obvious love shared between the two of you on stage. Another vast majority of the comments laughed because whoever the ex-girlfriend was, she had to be shitty enough for that stunt to even be a plausible option for a break up — a treatment you didn’t necessarily agree with but that was your own personal opinion. Commenters also pointed out the dumbfounded look on your face and that you had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen.

The videos floating around online had helped the band’s fan base grow exponentially to the point where the four of you were performing at least once a month, as shitty as that may sound. The band that was originally started to just act as a friendly pasttime was growing beyond any of your wildest dreams.

Elixir was still going strong and rather than practicing and disturbing Terushima’s parents, the boys now all gathered in the Hanamaki household. Extra rooms were available for the boys if they needed to crash—namely Terushima who was still struggling to overcome his drug addiction. That was a fight for another day.

The band had bloomed exponentially to the point where Terushima, despite his personal demons, had reprised his role as makeshift manager, much like he had back in college when he was in charge of the underground distribution business the four of you had. In the group chat, he mentioned he had a big announcement for the band, which lead to the very moment of the four of you gathered in your backyard with drinks and respective smokes in hand.

“So? What’s this big news you got for us Teru?” Kuroo asks, languidly lounging in a wicker chair with one arm draped over the back. You and Makki were snuggled into a matching loveseat, a cigarette in your hand and a beer in his. Terushima had one hand around his cellphone, flicking through the screen while waving off Kuroo with his free one.

“Hold on, hold on—found it!” The blonde yells, almost startling you had none of you been used to the way his volume sporadically jumped at random intervals. He clears his throat before reading whatever news he gathered us to announce.

“Mr. Terushima, thank you for getting back to me promptly with your attached demo. We would like to arrange a meeting with all members of Elixir to discuss a recording deal. Please respond with a date and time the four of you are able to meet.

Sincerely,

Semi Eita, Eternal Records”

Only the crackling of the fire between all of you and the crickets chirping off in the suburban distance can be heard—everyone is silent.

“Is this—“ you start, but are immediately lost for words.

“Did we just get offered a record deal?” Kuroo finishes for you.

“We’re doing it, right?” Terushima’s eyes are hopeful and full of light and excitement, like this is the type of news he’d been waiting for. You looked between the guitarist and drummer sitting before you, both of whom looked more than eager, before you glanced upward to your left to gaze at Makki. Stone faced as ever, he was, but there was still that twinge of pride accompanied by the smallest tick of a grin.

“Any objections?” Your boyfriend looks back at the rest of the band. It was a silly question, all things considered, and Kuroo and Terushima made that obvious with the gnashing of their lips as they held back excited screams. “Babe?” The strawberry-brunette locks eyes with you once again, tightening his lax grip around your shoulder.

“As long as it’s all of us, I’ll always say yes.”

“Is that so?” Takahiro muses. The arm around you is removed as the man to your left rummages around the pocket of his old basketball shorts that he typically wore around the house to lounge in. His fingers are fumbling almost clumsily as he pulls back the lid of a small, black velvet box. “It may not be all of us, per se, but if you’ll always say yes, then will you marry me, right?” As he speaks, he sets down his beer bottle off to the side of the loveseat, clambering down to rest on one knee to better present the rose gold, diamond ring to you.

“I—w-what?” You splutter, darting back and forth between the ring and Takahiro’s face. When his face remained as stoic as ever, your eyes shifted between him and your two other friends who seemed just as dumbfounded as you did. Considering the information you gathered from your surroundings and just because that’s how Takahiro is, you figured he was being genuine. “For real?” The strawberry-brunette only nods, offering no further vocal context, and instead grabs your left hand and slips the jewelry onto your ring finger.

“Marry me.” His voice is firm and concrete with the slightest hint of trepidation, though it’s possible that it came from him pushing himself to stand at his full height. Hanamaki holds your hands in his, shale-stone eyes looking down at yours as he awaits his answer.

“I-I, yes? Yes!” In a flash, your arms wind around Makki’s neck, pulling him towards you tightly as his arms anchor around your waist and pull you as close to him as physically possible.

“I can’t believe that worked.” Kuroo deadpans from beside the two of you, shaking his head in amusement before coming over to clap both of your shoulders in congratulations. The statement alone clued you in on the fact that the boys did indeed know about the proposal.

“Makki’s always just full of surprises, ain't he?” Terushima adds, also stepping closer to offer his congrats. The blonde is grinning with his eyes shut as he fist bumps Makki when you broke apart from your embrace.

“Wait, but the record deal is real, right? Like that wasn’t planned out for Hiro’s proposal, was it?” You balk, hoping that the opportunity with Eternal Records was a genuine offer. Terushima gives a nod, opening his mouth to speak only to be cut off by Hanamaki.

“Come on, you know I actually didn’t plan anything.” The strawberry-brunette chimes, as if to try to reassure you that the record deal was in fact real while simultaneously drowning out Yūji’s spiel of how he would never make a fake announcement with such sensitive material.

“Then why’d you have a ring in your pocket?” Takahiro gives a nonchalant shrug, grabbing his once forgotten beer bottle off of the cobblestone floor of your patio and raising it to call a toast.

“Just had a feeling that tonight was gonna be the night. Besides, I’ve had it since before we bought the house.” The four of you clink bottles together in celebration—celebration of your band’s success and your apparent, sudden engagement. But while you’re cheering and drinking merrily, Hanamaki’s words are brewing and stewing in your brain as you mull them over.

“Babe, we’ve lived here for almost three years.” Takahiro tosses a languid, knowing grin at you. It was as if he were applauding you for finally putting the pieces together. “You’ve had a ring for that long? No joke?”

“No joke. I wanted to wait for the perfect moment.”

A perfect moment indeed.

A beautiful, mid-summer evening around a fire with your best friends and getting the announcement of a lifetime? There was no better time, was no better way than to start forever in the Hanamaki household. Yet, you acknowledge that his proposal could have started any time, any where. As long as it was Takahiro, as long as your best friends were there to enjoy the momentous occasion, you would have said yes because it was him.

[ A Part of Me « Still Into You » In Bloom ]

And that is it for Makki’s route! I was asked to a couple spin-offs so those will (eventually) come about. Thank you all for sticking through this with me, I love and appreciate you all.

Taglist: @takingyouruwus @tamcitrus @norkinlove

#ELIXIR #punk!au #punk!hanamaki #punk!reader #punk!haikyuu #hanamaki takahiro #haikyuu hanamaki #hanamaki x reader #i love hanamaki #hq hanamaki #singer!reader #haikyuu took over my life #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #punk!kuroo #punk!terushima #happy endings

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polarishq · 4 years ago

Photo

Meet DUYEN NHU HUYNH. They are ONE HUNDRED years old and hail from LAO CAI, VIETNAM. Duyen embodies the constellation, CORONA AUSTRALIS. They use UTP pronouns. Their faceclaim is UTP.

Corona Australis reminds me of tattoos hidden under modest clothing, a sugar sweet smile, an empty pill bottle, drugs crushed in a napkin, cherry red lips, a row of leather jackets tucked into the closet, mercury dripping from the fingertips, a streak of mascara on white paper, a crystal knife pressed against flawless skin, a silhouette standing on a ledge, a couple bottles of Jack, cigarette fading to ash, ‘don’t like my attitude? call 1-800-FUCKOFF.’.

BIOGRAPHY

The first time Duyen ever threw a punch, she was four months old and knocked her twin sister off of the couch. That was, probably, a big indicator of where their lives would go.

With matching names, faces and clothes, everyone expected Duyen and Tien Huynh to be the perfect pair of twins –– in all actuality, they were the exact opposite. If their attitudes weren’t bad enough, they could never stop fighting. One pulled the other’s hair, so the other would scratch her eye; one ripped the other’s clothes, so the other would smack her. It was an exhausting cycle of devilish actions from cherubic faces. It added strain to an already failing marriage and by the time the twins were seven, their parents had agreed to split up, with each taking a child.

Their mother, Giang, took Duyen to Australia, but was unprepared for how hard it would be to raise her. Before, Duyen typically had only lashed out in response to her sister’s energy. Now, she grew increasingly irritable all on her own and often lashed out at Giang and her new wife, Allison. Though she was solely to blame for the tension, Duyen lost her willingness to deal with it and ran away when she was fourteen. Three weeks later, she came back home, changed. She never spoke about what happened while she was away, but the irascible girl was no longer herself. She no longer acted out or socialized. She only ever showed signs of life when people touched her, and those reactions were always bad and often led to intense breakdowns.

At a loss of what to do, Giang and Allison admitted Duyen into a psychiatric institution in hopes of fixing whatever had fractured inside of her. It was during her stay that Corona Australis appeared, right along her left index finger. No one knew what it was, least of all Duyen, so she mostly paid it no mind. Even if it was magical, it wasn’t a miracle; she was still trapped inside of a hospital for the unforeseeable future.

Three years passed before she was released, only a handful of months before her eighteenth birthday. Her moms were surprised to find a completely different girl; she was energetic in a way she hadn’t been since the move from Vietnam. She was jovial and affectionate now, always the first to crack a joke or flirt with a guest. They soon learned that there were still rules: touch was only okay when she initiated it and any amount of force would be met with a blade pressed against their throat. They didn’t know if this was their daughter anymore; Duyen wondered if Giang ever knew who her daughter was.

Allison was the first one to notice the mark on Duyen’s hand. She sat her daughter down and asked if she’d experienced anything particularly life-changing while hospitalized. For a moment, Duyen panicked, fearful that her mother knew some of the horrible things that had taken place, but Allison clarified that her mark meant she was special. Allison showed her own mark and told Duyen about magic, stars, constellations and more. When she explained that Corona Australis, the one who’d sponsored Duyen, had a love for the pure-hearted, Duyen laughed. She was far from pure; that had been proven time and time again. Allison retained that just because Duyen didn’t see her purity, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t there. Many people were like her: hurt and lashing out in response to the world’s cruelty. Though Duyen had her doubts, she asked her mother to teach her how to use her magic.

It was Giang’s suggestion that they go back to Vietnam, on the off-chance that Tien also had a mark now. She thought it would be better if the twins learned their magic together. The family of three made the trip to Vietnam, but Giang never managed to contact her ex-husband and they never reunited with Tien, either. Duyen would never admit to being a little disappointed by this. Instead, she kept on smiling. No matter the reason, Duyen was on her own. She learned magic from Allison, with a few tips from Giang, whose water magic was weak, in comparison. Before long, Duyen had a firm grasp on her magic and was confident enough to strike out on her own again.

Now twenty-one, Duyen headed to America. She made a name for herself among the community of earth witches, as the underground king of crystals. Where most witches found their powers limited when crystal got involved, Duyen knew how to use hers in whatever way she chose. She could use her crystals to heal, to paralyze, to summon, to kill –– she’d even figured out how to stop time. Most importantly, she was the leading authority on using crystals that other witches had deemed too impure to even touch. When someone wanted something impossible to happen, they found their way to her, though her services never came free. They were always surprised to see such an innocent face behind the rumors, but she quickly taught them all that she was far from innocent.

Around the late 1990s, she made her way to England to work some magic for the royal family. While there, she heard rumors of a school for magicians back in the States. She spent the next year digging up all of the information she could find on the school, from what they taught to who was running the place. Eventually, one of her more trusted acquaintances talked her into going to Polaris, if only to see what it was about. After a few years of being stubborn just for the hell of it, Duyen caved and reluctantly made her way to Vermont.

Hilariously, it took no time at all for her to find Tien here; after all, their rooms were right beside each other. Almost instantly, the two fell into their old ways of bickering and fighting, constantly at odds with one another. It felt more natural than any ‘hello’ or ‘I missed you’ ever would, especially given their opposing constellations. As time progressed, they never eased up on their arguing, but everyone learned that they were inseparable; trying to get between them was a death wish. No matter how they feel about each other, Duyen’s loyalties would always lie with her sister before anyone else, and she’d proven that time and again.

She’s been at Polaris for a little over a decade now and is still a terror. She deceives everyone with her unbelievably cute face and cheerful mannerisms, and most people are left traumatized when they discover that she’s a total monster. She guards herself with her crystals, so no amount of mental or dark magic can work on her –– she’s had enough of that in her lifetime. She does have a draw and inherent lightness about her, but it can get lost in all of her… personality.

She’s still on her medication, which is a good thing because she can be scary when she’s sober. If drugged-up Duyen is a landmine, then sober Duyen is a ticking time bomb with a pretty bow wrapped around it.

INCLINATION

Corona Australis, the Southern Crown, has a longstanding rivalry with its counterpart, Corona Borealis. Signified by the laurel wreath, Australis’s specialty lies in crystal magic. Not only does Australis possess the ability to channel crystal energy, but is extremely intuitive in growing crystals. Their positive applications of magic make them a direct contrast to Borealis, and the stars as a whole tend to favor Australis. Despite this, Australis chooses only witches pure of heart, who they believe are “worthy” of the crown they bestow.

CONNECTIONS

Filling the role of Martha Harris’ Sparring Partner.

Filling the role of Katrina Winters’ Object of Affection.

SEVEN DEVILS [4/6]: Duyen mostly keeps to herself, but she also has a very small group of friends. She sees herself as their protection, more than anything else. She likes to keep them close and will gladly kill anyone who even looks at them wrong. That doesn’t mean they’re free of her terror; she’s still a bit of a landmine, even when it comes to them. They just get the privilege of also seeing her when she’s a little calmer. They’re an odd mix of personalities, but they somehow work.

Penned by Ricki ★

#earth.#corona australis.#taken.#ricki.#student.

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